Conversation Series - Setting Boundaries On Behalf Of Your Children

Raising a family in Switzerland has its positives and negatives from the benefits of high standards of living, sense of physical security and social stability, to an education system that caters to differing skillset. While Switzerland is a federal republic of four primarily European cultures (Swiss-German, Swiss-French, Swiss-Italian and Swiss-Romansh) raising a multicultural and multi-racial family in Switzerland brings with its own learnings and challenging, awkward encounters.

Neutrality and social conservativeness is the standard, still there are situations in which non-White or Multi-racial children are othered, fetishized, hyper-visible and/or invisible. Sometimes in the heat of the moment it is difficult as a parent to deal with these situations and because of the frequency of the incidents we choose to be proactive in sharing our our working list of hard NO’s with our immediate circle and children’s playgroup/ caretakers.

• ⁠No hair touching: Touching a child of colours hair, especially a child of African descent disregards the time and care that could have possibly gone into their hair along with being aan issues of hygiene, invasion of personal space. There is also the racial, colonial aspect of BIPOC body being exhibited and analysed. While reaching out and touching of BIPOC or child of African descent’s hair might be a onetime incident for the toucher, for the person whose hair is being touched this is probably a repeating matter - a constant reminder of their otherness.

Take into consideration that also that for a child still growing into their identity and with out a full understanding of racial dynamics most that they would understand is “everyone touches my hair because it is different”- this can be viewed positively or negatively.

• ⁠No comparing kids: No child wants to be compared to another child, from the comparisons of looks to their skills or abilities, every child wants to be seen for who they are and what they bring to the table. Comparing multi-racial children or siblings usually takes on a racial tinge with words being used to put them in one or other race box. It uplifts desirable features (typically leaning toward Eurocentric beauty standards) and talks down or fetishises ethnic features. This includes comparing skin shades, hair textures, eyes, noses, mouths and body types to how they sing, dance, play sports etc - a lot of which is rooted in stereotypes that puts pressure on the a BIPOC children to feel that they are a sum of stereotypes, when they should feel that there are no limits on who the are, can aspire to or dream of.

There is also a difference in how a multi-racial child identifies themselves and how they are told to identify because of these comparisons made by others. Some could identify with their entire diverse racial or cultural make-up and some with certain aspects of their varied racial or cultural background.

Fact is no-one has the right to define anyone

• ⁠No analysis of kids: There is a big fascination in multi-racial children especially with the thinking of “mixed kids are so beautiful” to what a multi-racial child would look. Entire social media pages have been dedicated to #beautifulmixedkids posting images of young children and babies with their racial make-up in what feels very much design-a-baby. What is lost in these posts is that these children are more than their “race” they are complex, rounded, talented and figuring themselves out. Being consistently reduced to the sum of their multicultural-racial features or their racialised abilities is limiting.

Of course as parents we can never know the full extent of our children’s experiences as we do not live life for them, we can only hope while they are still young we are able to put in place some boundaries until they are able to speak for and define themselves. We are trying, and we are learning.